Self Help

A Tennis Ball, The Trash Compactor Room & A Bucket of Shit

I don’t usually blog about my day, but today was unusual for a Sunday.

It started very typically. I woke up and made some breakfast. I turned on the game and went to the bathroom for my morning constitution.

Flush. Nothing happens.

At that very moment, things got very not typical. 

I plunge. No movement.

Flush. Nothing happens.

I should have gotten someone to help at this point. My first thought was to go to the Super. 

I live in an apartment building and pay rent. That’s when I remembered what happened the last time this happened. Each time this happens, the super comes, makes condescending faces, and complains about the smell. 

It’s inappropriate, makes me feel helpless, and makes me want to avoid getting help.

So, whenever I can fix something on my own, I do. I got a bucket and a disposable cup and scooped the shit into a bucket. I poured the bucket into the bathtub.

I flipped the drain. The shit wouldn’t flush.

Things just got worse from there.

There was shit everywhere. Nothing would go down.

It occurred to me that if I didn’t get remarks from the super, I would now. I had to fix this myself or face my downfall.

So I did what anyone would do. I tried to fix it myself.

I thought, go to the compactor room, dump it down the garbage chute, and this will all go away.

All things being every day, that would be the case. But nothing was ordinary about today.

From here, shit hit the floor.

When I poured it down, I didn’t realize a gap between the lever and the wall.

Government test, a manufacturing flaw, or my bad luck?

At that moment, I became a man on a mission. I was going to clean the floor before the super or some neighbor spotted this disaster.

I failed.

I did manage to get a mop and something to clean the floor with, but my neighbor and the super were already at the scene.

& it was a scene.

I had never heard swearing like that. The super swore that this had never happened in fifty years.

And, while the super held his nose and made condescending faces, I discovered that my cat stopped up the toilet with a tennis ball.

Categories: Self Help

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