I’ve been getting a lot of questions, and I mean a lot, about the status of the J Peters reality tour. Let’s talk about it here and put to rest any outstanding rumors surrounding this historic event.
The J Peters reality tour can best be described as a hydra of increasingly concerning and poorly organized activities of daily living in the northeast quarter of Yonkers.
The tour begins sharply at 9 am preferably “9:30ish” outside the steps of Peters apartment building in Yonkers. Passengers will collect in the building lobby, where people will have an opportunity to listen to a short history of Mr. Peters many experiences residing at 411 BronxRiver road.
The history will be curated by Salvatore, the Buiding’s superintendent, who has a rich and robust knowledge of Mr Peters habits in the building. While Salvatore lectures to the forming crowd, Mr Peters will complete his transformation from Max Guttman to Mr. Jacques Peters.
Upon completion of the transformation, Mr Peters will greet the crowd and take over the show from Salvatore who will end his lecture with a slideshow replete with images from when Mr Peters dumped a bucket of feces down the incinerator chute.
Mr. Peters will answer lingering questions from Sal’s building history and then ticketed event guests will embark on a minivan voyage through greater westchester. The grand tour will make a sharp departure from 411 BronxRiver road and make its way to its first stop: McDonald’s across the street from Mr Peters building. There, passengers will have the pleasure of ordering their very own a la Carte snacks for the trip.
The bus continues to HDSW, Human Development Services of Westchester, where Mr Peters has weekly non scheduled meetings with Care Management staff and management. Passengers are encouraged to take pictures as Mr Peters demands better services from the agency, and with a haughty snare and privileged grace, accusing the agency of theft, neglect, and crimes against humanity. Mr. Peters will hold nothing back as he raises his voice just enough to be intimidating, but not enough to warrant attention from agency staff, staying just in between what’s acceptable and what’s performance for the benefit of the tour. After making a dramatic exit, and reminding the agency he will return next week to harass the staff further, the tour will depart for its next stop: Mr. Peters childhood home in Hartsdale.
Passengers will disembark the bus to watch Mr Peters urinate on the side of his parents house because “I just couldn’t make it to bathroom, mom” and the “neighbors don’t care and can’t see me, Jesus!”. Passengers are welcome in Mr Peters home. There, Mr Peters will request his mother cook him something and will subsequently make his way to a restricted area area of the house where Mr. Peters will take a short nap, have a cigarette, and perform cleansing rituals to maintain a healthy seeming bravado and socially acceptable level of cleanliness for the remainder of the trip. Passengers are encouraged to wander the grounds of Mr Peters childhood home at their own risk. Upon Mr Peters awakening, tour members will be redirected to the bus, where the tour will continue.
The bus will head to Phelps Hospital where passengers will wait in the Emergency Room Parking Lot for Mr Peters to get his monthly (Intramuscular injection-IM) .
Passengers are encouraged to write down their observations of Mr. Peters behavior before, and after he gets his mental health medication. Mr Peters will end the narrated portion of the tour by answering and responding to the guest observations of his behavior; and addressing each concern about his behavior throughout duration of the days tour.
The mini bus will ultimately circle back to Mr Peters apartment building where Jacques will urinate brazenly by its dumpster because: “the gravity in the elevator plays games with my bladder” and “I just can’t wait”… Tips are encouraged before the bus stops, so Mr. Peters doesn’t have to shake the hands of guests with dirty hands.
Tickets available on Eventbrite beginning next week🆘