I’ve been getting many questions, and I mean a lot about the J Peters reality tour’s status.

Let’s talk about it here and put to rest any outstanding rumors surrounding this historic event.

The J Peters reality tour is a hydra of increasingly concerning and poorly organized activities. Primarily centered around J. PETERS mundane errands and hygiene practices, this tour gets off to a rough start in the northeast quarter of Yonkers at PETERS apartment building.

The tour begins sharply at 9 am. Mr. Peters prefers “9:30ish?” if you’re alright with a confusing and unclear departure time.

Passengers will collect in the building lobby. People will have an opportunity to listen to a short history of Mr. Peter’s many experiences residing at 411 BronxRiver road from Mr. Peters super.

Salvatore, the Buiding’s superintendent, will curate the history. Mr. Salvatore has a rich and robust knowledge of Mr. Peter’s habits in the building. While Salvatore lectures to the forming crowd (we anticipate), Mr. Peters will complete his transformation from Max E Guttman to Mr. Jacques Peters.

Upon completing the transformation, Mr. Peters will greet the crowd in the lower lobby (the only lobby) and take over the show from Salvatore. The greeting ends with a unsettling slideshow replete with camera images taken by the super when Mr. Peters dumped a bucket of feces down the incinerator chute. Sal explains, the best he can, that the toilet bowl in Mr. Peters studio was on the fritz..again?

Mr. Peters will answer lingering questions from Sal’s building history. Ticketed event guests will embark on a minivan voyage through a small three block radius in greater lower Westchester. The grand tour will make a sharp departure from 411 BronxRiver road Yonkers and make its way to its first stop: McDonald’s across the street from Mr. Peters building. Passengers will have the pleasure of ordering their very own a la Carte snacks for the trip.

The bus continues to HDSW, Human Development Services of Westchester, where Mr. Peters has weekly nonscheduled meetings with Care Management staff and management. Passengers are encouraged to take pictures as Mr. Peters demands better services from the agency. Mr. Peters will use his half hearted but intense haughty gaze and privileged grace to accuse the agency of theft, neglect, and crimes against humanity.

Mr. Peters holds nothing back as he raises his voice just enough to be intimidating, but not enough to warrant attention and police intervention as agency staff grow increasingly agitated and puzzled.

Staying just in between what’s acceptable and what’s a performance for the benefit of the tour. Upon confirmation of the info, Mr. Peters will make a dramatic exit from the HDSW theatre. In doing so, reminding the agency, he will return next week to harass the staff further.

The tour will depart for its next stop: Mr. Peter’s childhood home in Hartsdale.

Passengers will disembark the minibus to watch Mr. Peters urinate on the side of his parents’ house because: “I just couldn’t make it to the bathroom, mom, IM SORRY!” After listening to Mr. PETERS explain to his mother that the “neighbors don’t care and can’t see me, Jesus!”.

In Mr. Peter’s childhood home, ticketed guests will request that J. PETERS’ mother cook them something and “smile while you eat it!”.

A few select ticketed guests will be allowed in the restricted area of the Mr. Peters family home. At this location, Mr. Peters will take a short nap, have a cigarette, and perform cleansing rituals to maintain a seeming healthy bravado and socially acceptable level of cleanliness for the remainder of the trip.

Passengers are encouraged to wander the grounds of Mr. Peter’s childhood home at their own risk. Upon Mr. Peter’s awakening, tour members should head back to their seat on the bus, where they will continue.

The bus will head to Phelps Hospital, where passengers will wait in the Emergency Room Parking Lot for Mr. Peters to get his monthly (Intramuscular injection-IM).

Passengers are encouraged to write down their observations of Mr. Peter’s behavior before and after getting his mental health medication.

Mr. Peters completes the narrated piece of the tour by answering and responding to a Q&A session. Observations of his behavior; and addressing each concern about his behavior throughout the duration of time left.

The minibus will ultimately come back to Mr. Peter’s apartment building. Immediately upon arrival, Jacques will urinate brazenly by the building dumpster. J., using rhetorical theatrics to justify his behavior will suggest “the gravity in the elevator plays games with my bladder” and “I just can’t wait anymore”… .(J. PETERS)

Tips are encouraged before the bus stops. Mr. Peters doesn’t have to shake the hands of guests with dirty hands.

Tickets will be available on Eventbrite at the beginning of next week(ish?)