Self Help
The mirage of my distortion
I have adapted this new radical perspective that is based on a newfound moral ground that I think is absolutely necessary regardless of inbred and conditioned responses. This means that I am adapting a hypocritical comfortability with indirectly asserting a particular boundary “ please fuck off. I’m am off the clock and my insanity is my priority which quite frankly doesn’t allow me the capacity of feeling quite compassionate at the moment. Join me if you wish but please just shut the f***k up. I demand time to focus on the reality that is my life. I just can not entertain small talk or wish full thinking… I have a geriatric pitbull to tend to.. and a commitment to decompress.
I’m fighting between committing to this new found glory of “peer work” and sub-coming to that temptation and desire to “tilt my head down, place my tail between my legs for the sake of a delusional state of happiness, and just give up on the passion that pulses through my veins.”
Like this:
Like Loading...
Related
Published by Malissa A Vazquez
First and foremost, I am not a mental patient. I am a willing consumer of mental health services that are available to me as a citizen, and a native of New York City, within the United States.
I am an unprivileged minority figure who is privileged to receive services at all. Which is more than I can say for the billions of people who are deprived of such services either due to lack of insurance, community or governmental support. This may sound very contradictory, but I can assure you of its clarity over time.
For now, I simply wish to disrupt the disorderly flow of my unnatural circumstances through the reconstruction of my true nature. I am a creature of habit who habitually embraces the pursuit of enlightenment, and evolution. Often, I am motivated by an impulsive need to rebel against “the system”, my family dynamics, and even my own conditioned sense of helplessness. Other times, I willingly submitted to a defeated sense of domestication, control, and “order”. This can be referred to as what mental health professionals refer to as manic depression when trying to classify a behavior as a diagnosis. I am no fan of the DSM.
I am flawed yet flawless. I have been born into a system as a mental health consumer way before I was planted as a seed. I originate from a historical line of mental health disorders, substance abuse, criminal associations, institutionalizations, incarcerations, incest, and violence. Mental health instability, Suicide, homicide, psychosis aAand violence runs through my blood as a potent reminder of why I must rebel. It is the culture I do not wish to embrace.
By flesh and blood I consider myself to be a manifestation of an enhanced essence. I should not be alive today, yet here I am. As an adult, with my own moral grounds, and understanding I am finally beginning to grasp the concepts of life, liberty and freedom of will.
My past will slowly, but surely come into fruition as I continue to become more intune with my present state of mind, and conscious awareness. It is not my intention to embrace bias, or claim incompetence upon the mental health system in particular, however I am sure that my opinion at times may appear deliberately insulting. I mean no harm. I simply wish to share my own truth, as I have lived through it.
I am not my diagnosis. I am not a statistic to be documented and categorized based on I’ll guided research, or privileged authority. I am one of millions who was deprived of an appropriate source of the five basic needs of survival which according to Abraham H. Maslow entail the following: Physiological, safety, love/belonging, esteem, and self actualization.
This is me dismantling my own conditioned mind, while simultaneously attempting to dismantle the mental health system as it stands today.
View all posts by Malissa A Vazquez
Mental Health Affairs 