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I was diagnosed as a “paranoid schizophrenic” 45 years ago.. According to Dr. William Pettit, a retired psychiatrist well versed in many conditions, schizophrenia is a diagnosis that is “where we are, not who we are.”
Given this insight, I feel I have moved beyond my original label. Now at a place of reconciliation, I am in recovery from my condition since being first diagnosed in 1975.
To give a brief overview: I was removed from Dartmouth College and placed in a psychiatric hospital in New York City for 13 weeks for “acute schizophrenic delusions,” The result, I believe, of wholesale use of illegal intoxicants, the chief of which were marijuana and LSD. In short, I thought I was God.
For the last 29 years, I have avoided any signs of a psychotic break after 13 hospitalizations in 18 years.
Since then, I have seriously reflected on the nature of the Soul and the unique role it plays in every individual.
These thoughts have led me to entertain a belief in “biogenetic predestination” instead of free will. Based upon the term, everything that has happened to me was part of a chosen plan by my Soul—conceived much before my conception in my mother’s womb.
My delusion was a necessary component of the education my Soul demanded to fulfill its purpose for my lifetime on Earth. :
“Why,” you might be asking yourself, “would my Soul choose to submit to the horrors of schizophrenia, and what have I learned?” When I was at my most “psychotic” and out of touch with reality, I experienced insights and euphoria. Very few people can explain how this feels unless they have experienced joy firsthand.
I intuited that the hospital unit was my Spaceship, “The Dialina” and my residential psychiatric “Program,” where I spent almost six years, was the training ground for my future as the prophesized Lord. I learned of my uniqueness and the specialness of every other creature on the planet. Rather than being an exclusive “God,” I discovered everyone else was also divine.
But what has this got to Dew with the Soul? I believe not only in the existence of a Higher Self, but indeed think we are incarnated only to learn the lessons this greater Self, which is the individual “Soul,” requires to continue its journey to Eternity.
Therefore, I chose a Path of immersion and recovery from the darkness of insanity.
At my core, I now know I can deal with my own madness. Barring suicide, no situation is ever hopeless. Light will forever conquer darkness.. This conquest of light over dark is the basis of my assertion: “Recovery is always an Option,” the mantra which continues to be the fundamental principle ruling my life.