First and foremost, I am not a mental patient. I am a willing consumer of mental health services that are available to me as a citizen and a native of New York City. I am an unprivileged minority figure who is privileged to receive services at all. This is more than I can say for the billions of people deprived of such services due to lack of insurance, governmental/family support, or confusion about services in general. Another factor of mental health deprivation can be financial wealth and overpriced services. This may sound very contradictory, but I can assure you of its clarity over time.
For now, I simply wish to disrupt the disorder of my unnatural circumstances through the reconstruction of my true nature. I am a creature of habit who habitually embraces the pursuit of enlightenment and evolution. I am often motivated by an impulsive need to rebel against “the system,” my family dynamics, and even my conditioned sense of helplessness. Other times, I willingly submit to a defeated sense of domestication, control, and “order.” This can be referred to by mental health professionals as manic depression when trying to classify a behavior as a diagnosis.
I am flawed yet flawless. I was born into a system as a mental health consumer way before I was planted as a seed. I originate from a historical line of mental health disorders, substance abuse, criminal associations, institutionalizations, incarcerations, incest, and violence. Terrorism is not a fight solely fought across borders or nations. It hits home daily for millions of people. Suicide, homicide, and violence run through my blood as a potent reminder of why I must rebel. It is the culture I do not wish to embrace.
By flesh and blood, I am a manifestation of an enhanced essence. I should not be alive today, yet here I am. As an adult, with my own moral grounds, and understanding I am finally beginning to grasp the concepts of life, liberty and freedom of will. My past will slowly but surely come to fruition as I become more in tune with my present state of mind and conscious awareness. It is not my intention to embrace bias, or claim incompetence upon the mental health system in particular, or humans as a whole, however I am sure that my opinion at times may appear deliberately insulting. I mean no harm. I simply wish to share my truth, as I have lived through it and survived.
I am not my diagnosis. I am not a statistic to be documented and categorized based on an ill-guided research history or privileged authority enforcement. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders does not define me. I define it. I am one of millions who was deprived of an appropriate source of the five basic needs of survival which according to Abraham H. Maslow entail the following: Physiological, safety, love/belonging, esteem, and self actualization. This is me dismantling my own conditioned mind while simultaneously attempting to dismantle the mental health system as it stands today.
Author Info:
Max E. Guttman
Peer Advocate, X- Girlfriend
