Some Things Go Beyond Learning
Many therapists enter the field with a wealth of knowledge, honed through rigorous education and ongoing training. Yet, even with the most impressive credentials, not every therapist can reach that level of profound impact—the kind that changes lives and stays with clients long after therapy ends.
Throughout history, a few therapists have stood out, not just for their knowledge or techniques but for the intangible qualities that can’t be learned in a classroom. Their examples illustrate why some skills go beyond continuing education and into the realm of human connection, presence, and authenticity.
Continuing education is a given. Every year, therapists across disciplines enroll in courses to learn new techniques, update their knowledge of diagnostic criteria, or better understand the latest research on mental health disorders. These courses are essential to maintaining professional competence and ensuring clients receive evidence-based care. But there’s a truth that every seasoned therapist knows: being a good therapist goes far beyond the confines of continuing education.
Some skills simply can’t be taught in a classroom, read in a textbook, or demonstrated in a seminar. They are intangible, nuanced, and deeply human. Let’s explore the qualities that separate good therapists from truly great ones—the ones clients remember, the ones who make a lasting impact.
The Balance of Learning and Being
While technical skills, theoretical knowledge, and evidence-based practices are crucial in therapy, they are not enough on their own. The therapeutic process is, at its core, relational. It’s about creating a connection that allows clients to feel safe enough to explore their vulnerabilities, pain, and hopes.
This balance—between what can be taught and what must be embodied—is what separates good therapists from great ones. The great ones:
- Embrace vulnerability: They acknowledge their own humanity and imperfections, which allows clients to feel less alone in theirs.
- Cultivate deep self-awareness: They continuously reflect on their biases, emotional reactions, and blind spots, recognizing that self-growth is a lifelong journey.
- Prioritize presence over performance: They resist the urge to focus on “doing therapy” and instead focus on “being” with their clients in the present moment.
- Develop emotional resilience: They have navigated their own challenges and can hold space for clients’ pain without becoming overwhelmed or disengaged.
The Power of Unconditional Positive Regard
Carl Rogers, a pioneer of humanistic psychology and the creator of person-centered therapy, revolutionized the field with one deceptively simple concept: unconditional positive regard—the ability to accept clients fully and without judgment.
What Made Him Great:
Rogers believed that deep, nonjudgmental acceptance was the foundation for personal growth. While many therapists can learn the theory behind unconditional positive regard, few can consistently embody it in practice. It requires:
- Empathy that goes beyond listening to truly feel the client’s experience.
- A non-judgmental attitude, even when clients reveal actions or thoughts that might trigger a therapist’s personal biases.
- Authenticity, where the therapist is genuine in their reactions and transparent in their humanity.
Why It Can’t Be Taught:
You can learn about empathy in theory, but actually sitting across from someone in deep pain—perhaps someone whose life choices you fundamentally disagree with—and offering only acceptance? That’s not a skill; it’s a mindset, cultivated through personal growth, introspection, and emotional resilience.
The Art of Existential Presence
Therapeutic presence isn’t something you can earn a certificate for. It’s the ability to sit with another human being and be fully there—not distracted, not thinking about the next question, but present.
Clients feel it when you’re truly attuned to them. They notice when your eyes reflect empathy, when your body language says, “I’m here with you.” This kind of presence is what allows a client to open up and feel safe, and it can’t be taught in a weekend workshop. It comes from a place of genuine care, mindfulness, and a willingness to be vulnerable alongside your client.
Irvin Yalom, a renowned existential psychotherapist, emphasized the importance of presence and the shared human experience of mortality, freedom, isolation, and meaning.
What Made Him Great:
Yalom’s approach wasn’t just about helping clients solve problems. It was about helping them confront the existential realities of life. His presence in the therapeutic room made clients feel seen and understood on a profound level.
- He didn’t hide behind therapeutic neutrality but brought his own humanity into the room.
- He focused on the therapeutic relationship itself as a vehicle for healing, emphasizing real-time dynamics and authentic connection.
- He encouraged clients to explore existential concerns like death, loneliness, and the search for meaning, often topics that many therapists shy away from.
Why It Can’t Be Taught:
No amount of continuing education can teach a therapist to sit with a client’s existential dread without rushing to offer solutions or comfort. It requires a therapist to have confronted their own fears and uncertainties about life. Yalom’s effectiveness came from his willingness to sit in the discomfort, a skill that grows from lived experience and emotional maturity, not textbooks.
Radical Acceptance Through Personal Experience
Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), is known for her groundbreaking work with individuals experiencing borderline personality disorder (BPD). But what made her truly exceptional was her personal connection to her work—Linehan herself struggled with severe mental illness.
What Made Her Great:
Linehan’s radical acceptance wasn’t just a technique—it was a philosophy born from her own journey of learning to accept herself.
- She met clients where they were, often in extreme emotional pain, and helped them navigate the space between acceptance and change.
- She balanced validation with challenge, a delicate balance that requires deep empathy and clinical intuition.
- Her authenticity and vulnerability in sharing her own experiences made her relatable and trustworthy to clients who often felt misunderstood.
Why It Can’t Be Taught:
Therapists can study DBT’s structure and techniques, but what made Linehan extraordinary was her ability to connect with clients on a deeply personal level. Her lived experience gave her a level of empathy and understanding that no course could teach. Therapists who lack personal insight into suffering must cultivate empathy in other ways, often through deep self-reflection and life experience.
Victor Frankl: Finding Meaning in Suffering
Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and the creator of logotherapy, taught that the search for meaning is a fundamental human drive, even in the face of unimaginable suffering.
What Made Him Great:
Frankl’s approach wasn’t about alleviating suffering but about helping clients find meaning within it.
- He guided clients through the process of finding purpose and significance in their experiences, even when life seemed devoid of hope.
- His own experience of surviving Auschwitz gave him unparalleled credibility and insight into the human capacity for resilience and meaning-making.
- He offered hope without minimizing pain, a rare and invaluable skill in therapy.
Why It Can’t Be Taught:
The ability to help clients find meaning in suffering isn’t a technique—it’s a way of seeing the world. Frankl’s perspective came from his personal experiences of trauma and survival. Therapists who haven’t faced similar adversity must cultivate a deep sense of empathy and philosophical understanding, which often takes years of practice and personal growth.
Bessel van der Kolk: The Body Remembers
Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, has transformed the understanding of trauma by emphasizing the body’s role in storing and processing traumatic experiences.
What Made Him Great:
Van der Kolk’s work goes beyond traditional talk therapy by addressing trauma through a holistic mind-body approach:
- He advocates for integrating somatic therapies, such as yoga, EMDR, and neurofeedback, into trauma treatment.
- He recognizes that healing is not just cognitive but involves reconnecting with the body.
- He listens to his clients’ bodies as much as their words, understanding that trauma often resides in physical sensations and reactions.
Why It Can’t Be Taught:
Learning about somatic therapies is one thing; integrating them with sensitivity and attuneness is another. It requires a therapist to develop a deep trust in the body’s wisdom and to be comfortable working in a non-verbal, experiential way. This often requires personal experience with body-based practices and a willingness to explore beyond traditional therapy frameworks.
The Therapist as a Whole Person
Great therapy is not just about knowing the right techniques or attending the best workshops. It’s about who the therapist is—their presence, empathy, authenticity, and willingness to engage with the messiness of human life.
Some things can be learned, but others must be lived, felt, and experienced. The most transformative therapists are those who bring their whole selves into the therapeutic space, offering not just knowledge, but humanity.
And that is something no CE course can ever teach.
Author Info:
Max E. Guttman
Max E. Guttman is the owner of Mindful Living LCSW, PLLC, a private mental health practice in Yonkers, New York.
