At 19 years old, I got a job as a hostess at Tallulah’s. The new restaurant was set to open in a shopping center near my house. Pre-opening, the employees attended a meeting in the
restaurant. We were seated at the tables and instructed on how to serve the upscale customers at the grand opening.
A sales manager for the company told us to get up from our chairs and do what he does. The man shouted out: “I feel good. I am good.” He raised his right arm in the air after every sentence and repeated the words over and over.
The words “I feel good, I am good” popped into my head one week before Thanksgiving. Where had they come from? Right then, this long-lost memory from 39 years ago resurfaced.
Remembering the event with the sales manager cheering us on, I wondered if there was research that proved reciting affirmations instills confidence. On the Cleveland Clinic website, psychologist Lauren Alexander, Ph.D., detailed how “Daily positive affirmations can help you face the world with a belief in yourself and your abilities.”
According to mentalhelp.net the self-affirmative statements “Are typically designed to transform negative thoughts into positive ones.” I was game to try this out as I was skeptical of what pop psychologists have parroted: “Live in the present moment!” How could a person enjoy today when their situation in life was dire?
Along with the Fireplace Method I wrote about in November, Dr. Alexander gives ideas about how affirmations can help. They can be the catalyst for improving your self-esteem and confidence.
First: Practice being positive every day. A pep talk you give yourself occasionally spaced out over weeks won’t be practical.
Mentalhelp.net mirrors that for the best outcome: “Affirmations should be focused, consistent, and repeated multiple times throughout the day.” You can repeat them in your head when you’re outside or at your job.
Choose a place free of noise and distractions to get you into the mindset to practice the self-talk. Suspend your disbelief that this could work. The key is to align your affirmation with action, not just words. Also, Write the statement on an index card or Post-it notes and place it where you can read it often.
One trick: Refrain from using generic wording like “I’m awesome!” that can feel inauthentic. Per Dr. Alexander, the positive self-talk should be linked to your specific issues. The affirmation should reinforce that you have control.
One statement on the Cleveland Clinic website caught my eye: “I can ride this out and not let it get to me.” It can be hard to be sunny side up about what you’re experiencing in the throes of a challenge. To hang in there, try this: “The day will end soon enough.”
Like with other hardships in life that we could regret, like a terrible childhood or whatever beset us, the psychiatrist Carl Jung got at our resilience in his quote: “I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” (Sounds like an affirmation!)
We have the power to persevere. Try reciting an affirmation and see where it takes you. I hope this article has empowered you to find ways to get confidence.
Christina Bruni is the author of the new book Working Assets: A Career Guide for Peers. She contributed a chapter "Recovery is Within Reach" to Benessere Psicologico: Contemporary Thought on Italian American Mental Health.
