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26 Jan 2022

Category: Self-ManagementCategory Archives:

Recovery and self-Determination: being authentic with our mental health practices

The Fear 

When people carry a mental health diagnosis there is an almost constant fear of relapsing. Whether from a long-standing chronic condition or new diagnosis, the fear of symptoms re-activating or worsening, is a real problem for people who suffer from mental illness. 

Some common questions are: 

Will I always feel like this?.

What if my symptoms return?

When will I be recovered?

The Myth

First, let’s dispel a myth. People are in control of their health and healing. People are not a the disposal of their illnesses. Keep in mind you have complete control over your mental health and do not need to live in the fear of a lifetime of arbitrary and unexplainable turns in your daily health.

Despite what some people believe, mental health can be managed and maintained with some rhythm and predictability over the long term. There are contributing factors impacting our feelings and what we think, but these are just markers. 

Self-Determination

I believe in self-determination. For people to maintain their mental health, recognizing new symptoms when they activate and working on eliminating the impact of extraneous factors contributing to limited or poor mental health is truly a great place to start self-managing. Additionally, self-determination is the mobility needed to work on ourselves. With enough self-awareness, people will soon realize their strengths, as well as limitations, come from within. 

Sure, some people are put in impossible situations. Some are born into poverty, victimized, abused, and maltreated. Still, even in these circumstances, some rediscover resilience and make it, despite the seemingly disparate nature of their problems.

A Lifespan of illness: Chronicity

People fear relapsing. People, regardless of the success often lose sight of the bigger picture. For people in recovery, the road ahead can seem long. Seem long, and belong if your illness is chronic and likely long-term. For young and even middle-aged people a lifetime ahead can seem like a lot of work or too much effort to sustain long-term across the life span.

Maintaining good health will only make a living more manageable and tolerable in the long term. Creating and allowing for more solutions during difficult situations and making everything more manageable, aside from remembering this reasonable explanation for why people lose sight of their recovery plan.

Recovery plans, self-care, and being authentic with our health

Remember, rationalizing or discontinuing behaviors promoting healthier decision-making is a step back from acceptable self-management practices. Instead, consistently engage in everyday routines and self-care measures during the tenure of their illness. Due to several reasons. Sometimes people deem themselves as cured. People often encounter a seemingly impossible situation created by their negative behaviors as a result of playing out symptoms of a disorder.

Whatever the reason, there are many, almost infinite self-rationalizations people can manifest to discontinue critical self-care practices. Negative self-messages people create usually become cognitive distortions, seemingly real and authentic, but at the root of it, are untruths and outright lies your minds manifest. 

Self-CBT

Distortions are maladaptive, unhelpful, and sometimes frightening, and if we follow these negative thoughts to their horrific conclusion, they are disturbing to most of us from experiencing them. Self CBT, disputing and challenging these rationalizations every day, and when they first occur, will go a long way in sustaining your positive behaviors and persisting towards your goals for yourselves and good mental health.

Ultimately, when people are left to their devices, they set limits and create better solutions.  Life can sometimes seem like we are on a ride or just passengers in our lives. Driving your health forward at a rate and speed and course of your choice is the safest bet. I recommend allying with your therapist, treatment team, and close peers with a vested interest in your mental health, establishing a deep trust with those who have close personal contact with you every day.

In doing so, collaterals may detect an extreme and toxic abnormality in your health. Feel safe to take stock in their advice and concern very seriously. Sure, no clinician or friend can get a perfect read on our health. But for those of you without a great deal of self-awareness or drive to look after yourself, there are still options and strategies to stay healthy without relying entirely on your own devices. Indeed, not everyone cares enough about their health to self-monitor all the time. 

In other cases, the priority of the day will capture our attention, e.g., paying the rent, housing, and employment. Disruptions to our mental health and even put our lives in jeopardy regardless of diagnosis. Regardless, taking your health and the quality of your mental status into your own hands is the best way to maintain good mental health and reduce the likelihood of relapse.

Plan ‘B”

Staying connected with collateral contacts to delegate health needs is a great plan “B”. When your self-care takes a back seat to the priorities of life, working towards good mental health might mean leaning on a friend or family member for help. A second more short-term plan can always be handing out responsibilities or delegating. 

Upon feeling too overwhelmed to get chores and other ADLs done, ask family, friends, and those you trust to help. For some of us, our disorder disrupts our capacity to stay connected to reality. Disruptions can take the form of elaborate delusions, which complicate our interpretive eye to know what is truly happening with our health.

Impression

In the end, manage your own mental health and be independent. Have a plan, and have another goal when the original road map to better health becomes unworkable. Ultimately, whether you have a chronic condition or an acute diagnosis, relapse is only to be feared when you aren’t doing what you need to do to work towards better health and healing. 

Relapse is real. Relapse is awful. But it isn’t the end of the world. Relapsing and experiencing the renewal of old symptoms can still remind you to get back on track with your recovery. Keep going! Don’t stop! When you stop taking care of yourself, be prepared for your worst fears not just to haunt you but become the grim reality you feared so vehemently instead of investing the same mental energy in health and healing.

Psychotic ‘Break’ Survival Skill Kit

https://anchor.fm/max-guttman/episodes/Psychotic-Break-Survival-Skill-Kit-e1canv1

Psychosis can potentially otherwordly, highly new and intoxicating, and downright baffling when the symptom becomes too intense and outpaces your understanding and connection to the world. Do you already experience psychosis symptoms? Do you know a friend or family member is psychotic? If the answer to either question was ‘yes,’ you already know this symptom of mental illness is extremely difficult to navigate without the help of mental health professional. Medication, collateral support, and the information here will only help you support a friend or family member who is psychotic and assist a person experiencing the symptom firsthand.

People with severe mental health symptoms experiencing psychosis deal with a cluster or group of interrelated symptoms. Many people dealing with psychosis rooted in a schizophrenia diagnosis do not know they are sick or are psychotic. This troubling lack of insight and self-awareness is called anosognosia. Some folks who are psychotic are aware of their distance to reality and the distortions that complicate their connection to the world. In most cases, psychosis builds and intensifies without medication and therapy. In rare cases, symptoms stabilize without professional help and medication. People generally need immediate psychiatric intervention to slow down and interrupt the thought disorder.

Most people don’t realize something is wrong with their thinking. Even when people begin to see and view the world differently, delusions and other cognitive distortions can make it seem like these are natural changes in your mind’s perception. Upon the first diagnosis of psychosis, try to self-evaluate the impact of psychosis on your life. 

In many cases, psychosis will impact various domains of functioning and living your life. After all, your brain and its health directly impact your mental health. When psychosis activates, different thought processes are interrupted and derailed. With the help of mental health professionals, you and your treatment team will learn how to identify each of these blocked and broken aspects of your thinking and cognitive functioning.

There are methods to self-manage or at least monitor psychosis symptoms. After all, you won’t always have 24/7 access to a therapist or psychiatrist for counseling or support. You are learning how to self-manage psychosis symptoms as best as possible without the help of a professional is vital to making gains in your recovery. 

People who are severely impaired will have greater insight and self-awareness are more likely to be in and out of the hospital. Therefore, begin to evaluate how psychosis impacts you on a moment-by-moment basis. Through ongoing mindfulness and self-reflection, and practice, you will be better prepared to self-manage active psychosis symptoms in your living environment.

On a moment-by-moment basis, begin to review and pay closer attention to your patterns of interactions, habits, and MO. Take notice of even the most minor changes or interruptions to any of these behaviors. Changes in your behavior can indicate changes to your thinking and sometimes worsening psychosis. Begin your self-imposed observation of your behavior and thinking with your external world.

How are other people in your life evaluating your mental health status? Checking in with friends, allies, and peers is also an excellent litmus test for assessing the quality of your thinking. Friends will never always agree with you. Even if you are on point, friends will not always agree. To be safe, consider alerting your prescriber and therapist when friends and family are baffled by your speech or the quality of your thoughts.

When negotiating your relationship with your living environment, be more mindful to pace yourself. If every detail seems important, that can signal an issue too called referential thinking. Just take notice of your thinking more globally across your day or week. People generally don’t look for changes or speak about alterations in your clothing and its appropriateness unless there is a massive issue with how appropriately you groom yourself and take care of your hygiene.

However, people do pay attention to the profundity of your thoughts. So, ask yourself:

Am I communicating well?

Do people understand the message or my ideas when I speak?

How is the quality of my thinking?

Are my behaviors congruent with my goals and actions?

The answers to these questions will begin to determine how to track the meaningfulness and effectiveness of your interactions. If you have a complete break, you will still need to communicate with people about your basic needs. For example, you cannot walk into a supermarket and buy groceries without speaking with a cashier. For obtaining medication, you will need to communicate with a pharmacist. At the onset of your diagnosis, you should become familiar with these people and their life processes (how do they respond to you when you feel normal? How do they respond when you don’t feel so well?) Remember how you behave under either circumstance to get what you need and do so without incident, and doing so with the slightest chance of harm is critical.

To be as safe as possible, be ready to execute these activities of daily living without incident at every level. You must function well enough not to alarm others or cause distress (to yourself and others) even during a “break,” so always be prepared! Knowing how to complete these tasks at different levels of functioning will be critical for achieving them seamlessly when you’re operating at diminished capacity or during a “break.” Reflect on your experiences. 

Ask yourself questions about how you felt the task could have been completed differently or improved upon, or done with less distress during increasing distance from your norm. Even in the wake of pain, healthy intersections are stable and nonjudgmental.

Many psychotic disorders are life-long illnesses. It would be best if you always were practicing your survival skills. Remember to establish and maintain a stable connection to medical offices, access to food and nourishment, and other resources to sustain locomotion (from point A to B). Keeping safety as a goal and knowing your weak points during illness will improve your possibilities for navigating a break each time and, more importantly, your safety.

Solid Ground and the Rescue Line

Peer specialists risk getting bit in the ass. If it is not the illness, it is the people we are supposed to be helping. How much do we disclose to them? What is the limit on honesty and openness?

I disclosed early on in my career. I just could not be bothered hiding the fact that I was just as “out there” as the people I helped. The difference was that I had gone through training and learned how to live with the “normals”. I knew how to talk with them. I competed with them on their academic turf. In short, I straddled both worlds. They were sometimes howling in the hospitals, other times having drinks and finger food with the boss.

My first time having my diagnosis shoved in my face was with a woman in one of my groups.

Everyone knows you have problems

EMB

Peer workers work in two dimensions. On the one hand, peers get paid to use their experience effectively with the clients. On the other hand, they go home to live somewhat marginalized and jeopardized by the illness. If not correctly put in its place, the insidious, dangerous condition threatens to wreak havoc with hard-won economic, social, and psychological gains.

I supervised peer interns from Howie the Harp. For the most part, they were terrific. I met my match, however, in a wild little devil that insisted on reporting me as unfit because I had told her to comb her hair and button her shirt. Luckily, the staff had my back.

I had had enough. The next intern insisted on going over my head to the director and workers she considered more competent because they weren’t peers like I was. So I went offline and waited for her internship out in the psych spa. I came back when she was gone and told my director I was through supervising peer interns. I knew my limits.

Peer workers are people who somehow pull themselves out of a hole. Now they stand on solid ground and throw a rescue line down into the abyss. Jealousy, resentment, and rage get in the way.

No matter. It is a crazy happy day in the neighborhood, and no one is going to mess with my high!

Going to Social Work school with a Schizophrenia diagnosis

Everyone needs to dream big in life. Goals are the waypoints to those dreams. It was always my goal to go to graduate school. After my ‘break’ from first-episode psychosis in undergraduate school, my goal to graduate school was on the brink of failure. My goal was so important to me that I was uncompromising in my recovery to heal and move on with my life. When goals are critical to us, people will do everything in their power to reach them despite the obstacles in their path.

My obstacle was my schizophrenia diagnosis and the residual symptoms that medication didn’t manage. These obstacles didn’t stop me from applying to a social work program two years later when I finally reached my goal of enrolling in a graduate program. Because I was marked as ‘sick’ and mistreated due to revealing my psychiatric history earlier on in my education, I kept my mental health issues to myself in graduate school.

Aside from my girlfriend, a few close classmates in my cohort, and the people who already knew my schizophrenia diagnosis, I kept my mental health to myself. Not sharing and being utterly private about my mental health history meant a few things:

  1. I would have to be ultra-careful about managing my schizophrenia symptoms.
  2. Be mindful of blips or changes (however minor) in my mental status so faculty and other students would not liken the lability to a possible mental health disorder.
  3. Be very careful about who I confide in about my history to avoid information falling into the wrong hands or people that might be stigmatizing and discriminatory.

There were times when I could do it all, be mindful, careful about disclosing, and super self-aware without incident. Other times, I found it more difficult to hide who I was and my history as a person with lived experience. When I was happy, content, and not very stressed, being mindful of all of these aspects of being secret about my identity was easy. When there was an exam or a vital essay due, I found myself becoming sad and pensive. It was during these stressful times that I got angry and self-loathing. I became upset about my history and how I was less than completely authentic about who I was and my past.

Graduate school in social work has a big self-reflection piece. One of our educational goals is to become more self-aware of our ‘stuff’. Together, in class, we unpack the microaggressions and discrimination we’ve internalized our entire life. Meaning, we learn why how our perception is shaped by the societal apparatuses which inform our everyday mindset and way of interacting with our peers and family. So, when this aspect of graduate school came around, and it was my time to reflect and learn about myself, I knew I would have to be very careful about how I went about this process.

I didn’t have the option. I could not openly reflect on my past because I had chosen to keep that piece of me a secret. I could make up a past and reflect on a fictitious history to practice the art of telling a compelling yarn. For a while, this is what I did. At first, it seemed phony. The content of the stories I spoke about my past were all made-up lies. I made up some outrageous stories. When it came to writing my autobiography, an exercise we all had to do, I was left with the creative freedom to enmesh my history into an outrageous, downright hysterical backdrop. Other students laughed when I told these stories, and they were so artfully crafted and congruent with social work theories of human development the professor couldn’t deduct points.

I was relentless about lying when I needed to defend my history. But when it came to being honest, and opportunities presented themselves to be me without any of the phoninesses, I made the most out of it each time. I was brutally honest, so honest. It almost seemed to align with the phony storylines I created earlier on. I still remember a professor talking to us about our dreams to motivate us and get to know a bit of what we were interested in for the end-of-the-year research project just around the corner. I remember the first few responses. “Getting married, owning a big house, being a social worker of the year…” and so forth. No one was expecting to hear what I was about to say.

“I want to move into assisted living,” I told the class. 

My classmates laughed harder than ever. But I was serious this time. They just had no idea why. I was exhausted from being overmedicated and extremely tired from my graduate school program. After all, I was in a state hospital two years before this, and now I was in graduate school and a relationship. It was a lot.

So when it came to my dream in life. It was to finish the program, get my master’s, and move into a setting where the assisted living center took care of my meals and cleaning. I certainly didn’t want to move back in with my parents. They were exhausted from caring for me to this point.

With my master’s in social work and a full-time job, I figured I could pay for an assisted living center to do everything for me. I could then focus on taking care of myself and my reaching my goals. When you are tired and overmedicated, goals seem further away. They might even feel or seem unreachable at times when someone is cooking your meals, cleaning your living space, and basically, managing your ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living). There is more time and energy to focus on goals, a job, and doing everything everyone else does but with some assistance at home.

“What? Max?” Another student said. “You’re kidding, right?” said yet another student. That was when I explained myself. I didn’t disclose my mental health disorder. But I did explain how tired I was a lot and how much time and energy housekeeping can be and absorb. I explained how all this energy could be invested into pursuing my dream career or any goal I set for myself.

When I put it in these terms, ‘energy’ and ‘time,’ suddenly everyone knew what I was talking about with my assisted living response. If I had said my answer was because of a mental health disorder, everyone would have pitied me and felt awful. When I made it about being savvy about how I expended my energy and time, everyone thought I was intelligent, innovative, and so forth. My point is that stigma goes deep, and if people let themselves become blinded by discrimination. Suppose people choose to be more open and nonjudgemental with their thinking. New ways of understanding the world and reaching their dreams might be next.  

My life as an Artist with Psychosis

The funny thing about my musical and artistic sides: these parts of me did not start to surface until around the same time as my diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

I was about 16 years old: an adolescent gripped by raging hormones.

At the beginning of my sophomore year of high school, my elder sister, by three years, brought home a classical guitar. With some sheet music and some instructions from my music major sister, I became engrossed in methods of playing the guitar.

I had dreams of playing on the stage with a rock band. I learned Led Zeppelin and the Grateful Dead and increased my classic rock CD collection. Led Zeppelin was my usual go-to for listening, as well as Jimi Hendrix and the Grateful Dead.

Although there were times out with drama club and occasional trips with friends who performed punk music, I felt less connected with peers.

As “Dust in the Wind” by Kanas plays in the background, I reflect on how sad it is that my dreams of being a rock and roll star never came to fruition. The reason this never materialized is a story that is at least as sad as this song.

The last two years of high school brought friends who got me further involved in playing rock music both in parties, and on stage.

Going to college brought an upheaval for me, newly diagnosed with bipolar illness with psychotic features. Conflicts between my party life, romantic life, and study life made it impossible to manifest a balanced lifestyle. However I burned extra energy by exploring my artistic side, and by producing professional level work for my drawing teacher.

Later on, in my early twenties, unfinished with undergrad, I moved into the city to live independently of my parents. For the first three years of life in Buffalo, I had the luxury of a car, which allowed me to make it out to music shows and get involved with local musicians.

Most of my music was solo, although there was some collaboration with friends I met on  alternative rock and folk music. My songs, performed solo on acoustic guitar, were praised by musician friends for their  expressive and theatrical dynamics.

My time playing was plagued by paranoia and hallucinations in the meantime.

My theatrics while performing guitar was replaced with shame and fear of public performances. I projected my self-destruction during that time.

I entered into a mixed manic and depressive episode in between performing live music followed by a year and a half of hospitalizations.

I still don’t have a car, as additional diagnoses make it more challenging to focus.

After ten years of group homes and supervised apartment living, I started the crawl towards further independence…

Derangement

Compulsive helpers understand ‘derangement’ to mean that things have not been arranged very well. We then set about sorting them out and putting things right.

To apply the word ‘derangement’ to our own state of mind, would be something we are extremely reluctant to contemplate.

We are totally sane. We think clearly. We feel compassionately. We act in a principled manner. We are certainly not deranged, insane, in any way.

Yet how else would we describe our compulsive helping?

We have a sense of compulsion to make the world a better place. That seems unchallengeable until it is pointed out to us, painfully at times, that maybe the world in general prefers to be as it is.

And maybe some people in particular, don’t want to change according to our grand design and master plan.

We would find it highly offensive if we were to be described as interfering busybodies. Yet what else typifies compulsive helping when we are on a crusade to change other people’s lives, whether or not we are asked to do so?

And how else, other than insane, would we describe our disregard of our own wishes, needs and even safety?

And if we can’t see these behaviours in ourselves, how would we describe them in other people? Courageous? Virtuous? Principled? Or nuts?

Coming to challenge our deranged nature is as challenging for us as it is for any other addict.

Yet this is what we have to do if we are to live happily, creatively and constructively – especially as we put our lives together again after the shattering caused by coronavirus – and if we are to learn how to be genuinely helpful to others and to ourselves.

We learn to allow other competent people to care for themselves. And we do the same for ourselves.

INDEPENDENCE FOR ALL

 

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Hey everyone, this month, the United States of America is celebrating Independence Day on July 4. Three cheers for the red, white, and blue! Wave those flags proudly and find some patriotic songs to sing. As for me, I will not be singing out loud but only singing to myself. 

Fly those balloons and kites, just like Benjamin Franklin did in colonial times. Eating hamburgers and hot dogs, potato salad and coleslaw, and whatever float our boat. Sinking is not allowed or even encouraged by this writer. 

 

Enough digressing. We need to discuss Independence. 

 

Everyone can achieve some measure of Independence, but we have to learn how to get there. We probably know that there are many ways to either define or describe Independence.

Let’s start with just one of them: Independence is freedom from the control, influence, coercion, and oppression of other forces. Independence can be a group effort (like a country doing its own thing) or as an individual being a self-sufficient person. Each of us has to decide what is best for ourselves and try to attain it one thing at a time. Here positive reinforcement and support are critical. 

 

Yes, just like Peer Specialists do! 

 

For Independence is not only a word. It can be a feeling, also. Many experts and family, even friends, sometimes tell people with mental health issues independence is impossible. Freedom is impossible as a result of their “illness.” It took me a long time to get to the place where I felt strong and independent. Once I felt like I had finally found my feeling of Independence, I learned what other people say, think, or think about me didn’t matter. Sometimes, it still counts (and hurts), but for the most part, it doesn’t matter. 

For many years, I have struggled to figure out where my Independence is given my anxieties and obsessive thoughts. However, I’ve learned and practiced coping throughout my journey. 

  

Independence doesn’t mean we have to isolate or feel alone. Asking for help is OK. Know when and where to ask for it. Reach out and talk with someone special or anyone that can assist or ask for accommodations. 

 

Independence doesn’t mean not caring what people are saying to you and about you. It’s letting individuals know enough is enough and telling them when to stop.

Independence doesn’t mean taking on tons of work or responsibilities. Learning to say no. Remember, ‘no’ is a complete sentence. We are only one person, and we can handle so much.  

 

Independence doesn’t mean having lots of friends. It means figuring out what type of person we want to be surrounded by and then doing just that. 

 

Independence doesn’t mean doing whatever we want. It means prioritizing and making important decisions that will affect the rest of our life. No one individual can do whatever that he/she chooses to do.

 

Most importantly, Independence means being proud of what we have accomplished and all we’ve been through in life—not being ashamed of our past mistakes and the struggles of our life. 

 

Of course, I shared Independence and responsibilities for over twelve years with my significant other, Maureen. There were good times and bad times. Significantly, we became more independent because of one another. Also, my deceased parents tried to instill Independence in me. To everyone who attempted to accomplish this, dead or alive, thanks a lot. Of course to all, I miss you, I love you, and I still wish you were here. 

 

For all USA readers, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA! For everyone, be and have Independence from whomever we choose. See you in the NewsBlogs. 

The Value of Good Complex Case Management for Comorbid Psychiatric Issues

In the battle of maintaining mental health, unique tools may be needed when desperate times call for them. Understanding what tools are needed for specific circumstances can make the difference that keeps life from falling apart. 

In terms of adjusting, complex mental health conditions such as schizoaffective are complicated by physical ailments such as a brain injury. In this circumstance, the therapist may utilize specific tools to simplify the person’s life and allow for functioning to run more smoothly. 

One such tool that I have had to utilize is speech therapy due to a cognitive-communication disorder caused by my brain injury. Www. Healthline.com states that cognitive-communication conditions can result in memory issues, problems in problem-solving, difficulty speaking, or difficulty listening.  

Although I have had my brain injury for nearly 14 years, I find that maintaining my presence in speech therapy once yearly can help to keep me from slipping too far into the maze of disorganization. 

Speech therapy is probably better known for children, but speech therapy for adults can help adults with speech, language, and cognitive-communication (www.healthline.com). 

I initially needed speech therapy at the hospital following my physical recovery. Still, I went for close to ten years after my hospital discharge before anyone determined that I needed speech therapy again. Yet, the main push that made neuropsychological evaluation necessary was acquiring more independent living after eight years of group home living—the results of this evaluation, in turn, allowed for a speech therapy script from my neurologist. In turn, a neurologist was assigned to my team because of an overnight emergency room visit resulting from dizziness. 

The neurologist initially prescribed for dizziness and speech therapy due to other conditions evaluated by my neurologist. Once I was in speech therapy, tools were used, such as flashcards, to help me form word associations better. The treatment team heavily emphasized the pragmatic re-organization of objects in my room. The team and I determined that thinking would be made more apparent through a more structured environment. 

Speech therapy alone was not an automatic cure-all to my disorganization and trouble structuring my life. Thankfully, with the combined approaches in therapy, my skills at cooking, shopping, and organizing my living space only continued to improve dramatically. 

The speech therapist provided tips for forming a grocery list and provided quizzes in memory and cognition that I found especially difficult. 

Therapy helped my independence progress to my current situation. I am now living in a residential neighborhood. 

These were some tough times that highlighted the need for speech therapy. At the time of my neuropsychological evaluation in 2016, my concentration, memory, and ability to form complete sentences were in slipshod condition. Some of this may have been affected by my schizoaffective disease, but my traumatic brain injury allowed for a speech therapy script. 

The intensive Speech therapy at a rehabilitative agency assisted with my speaking. With time and careful and comprehensive work, the very structure and semblance of the order became more visible in my apartment and living situation. 

However, my efforts were not always enough, and on two occasions, I was given rental violations due to my disorganized apartment. 

Communication is critical in complex case and care management due to .my brain injury’s complexity. Without question, I had a more challenging time living up to the standards needed to survive in the treatment apartment system. Yet the only way anyone ever understood I needed a neurologist Is because I spent a night in the medical emergency room. Yet I had complained Of dizziness for years. If my TBI condition was this serious, then why did no one ever consider that some of my problems could have resulted from this? 

If my brain injury was considered a critical comorbid issue requiring careful planning, the transition might have been easier. However, my brain injury wasn’t considered in the larger clinical picture at work by the psychiatric establishment. While the oversight may have had to do with poor care coordination and the transfer to a psychiatric ward, I was transferred to the state psychiatric hospital after the brain injury rehab unit dropped the ball. 

The reason for this quick shift out of the brain injury rehab unit was the insurance running out. However, being given more time for recuperating would have helped things move along so much better. At the very least better communication from one level of care to another could have ensured that the transition to independence would have been smoother. 

Yet as taught by my counselor, gratitude for my present situation helps offset additional mistakes. However, I do know that in my position, more than feel-good coping skills. Ultimately, I think this is the case for the mental health system—greater awareness of a whole person, which will allow for smoother transitions and more minor crises.

Found Meditation

Meditation continues to be a go-to for all experts in Mental Health. For us pandemic parents, we need all the stress relief we can get.

Stressed? Meditate. Depressed? Meditate. Anxious? Meditate.

I’ve attempted meditation, and felt like I was quite inept at the process. Which, in turn, made me feel quite inept as a human. How can one screw up sitting and doing nothing?

What I didn’t understand, was that meditation is actually something you have to do with intention. The mind cannot literally draw a blank until you’ve mastered the art.

Certainly many of you in the wild have heard of and even often enjoy guided mediation. This would be where a mediation coach would present imagery or some other form of thinking while performing meditation. For example, one form would be when the leader teaches you to tense and then relax muscles, training your brain to focus on that project instead of your daily worries.

For years I have attempted free mediation and guided meditation, and it’s only made me hate meditation. If you have had the same duress, this post might help you.

I’ve accidentally meditated through music. As is the theme of my blog, music is my solution to all life issues. Relaxation is definitely a part. You see, in absolute silence, my brain likes to default to the negative. Let’s remember every problem that ever existed in eternity. How calming is that?

No. Music helps me to relax, and then presents an uplifting mood to make the meditation effective. My brain apparently needs a helping hand to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Lately, a viral video has been “Vibing Cat”. People have been cheering themselves up from the monotony of this lockdown. They have taken a cat, who is jamming to the music, and changed the song, the visual, the people dancing with the cat, so on and so forth. I have found this to be a delight.

One of my favorites is “Cat Vibing to Ievan Polkka”. Many versions of this video can be found on YouTube to anyone’s enjoyment. Mr Ievan Polkka is playing the Bongos at a beachside park, and Cat is living the dream. I put on the one that loops for ten hours, and I am happy as a clam. Someone started a series with the Cat, Biden on the Bongos, and Trump having a dance-off. While we know such unity is not possible in reality, it is nice to see everyone acting mature as once. I was pleased to see people took to it, and started adding other people in the video, including an adorable doggo rocking out in the bottom right.

I never expected to like such a video. The music isn’t my usual rock, pop, or classic flavor, and yet I can’t get enough. The repetitive drum beat literally resets my brain waves, causing them to find strength. The joyous chanting causes me to feel suddenly successful and enlightened. Throw in the crowds “enjoying” the music with me, and I feel on top of the world. In addition, my two year old automatically says “Cat! Meow.” once I turn the video on, so she joins in the fun.

Jazz music is often what I turn to when I need to be relaxed yet productive. Here again, the delightful rhythms attract my brain waves, causing my mind to actually function properly. In the mornings I wake up wondering why we have to. Pop on a live morning jazz session, and suddenly my day begins.

After a long, good, productive day, I try to get my child to sleep. “Birdland Jazz Lullabies” are excellent tunes to get her in the sleepiest of moods. The videos Birdland posts also include gorgeous and adorable pictures that go with the songs, making the bedtime routine happy.

I often get addicted to playlists, bopping to the same ten songs in those moments I need a boost of energy. The other day I decided to break it up, and asked Alexa to put on “70s Easy Listening Music”. She did not disappoint. The happiest of moods came over me as I was listening to “What A Wonderful World”, “A Lovely Day”, a group of Stevie Wonder Hits, and of course the good old Carpenters. Just had to say to myself what I always say to myself, why do the times have to keep getting harder? To which I respond, the times aren’t harder, you’re just turning into an old woman.

I could most certainly sit down with some headphones on, and do happy visualization to some 70s tunes.

From a day to day standpoint, meditation is tough to squeeze in. By the time we get done work, cleaning, cooking, time with our friends and loved ones, on top of basic needs and then that 5 minutes of “Me Time”, it’s already tomorrow. If you can, pop on some of these musical blends or similar productions, and maybe the repetitive, upbeat, and relaxing sounds will produce the same effect.

Here’s to a Happy 2021!

Originally published here

I’m not going to putz around: adult euthanasia program

 

Eu·tha·na·sia, euthanasia is the painless killing of a patient suffering from chronic unresolved and intolerable illness. People that know me very well probably knew that this post was coming for a very long time. I don’t believe in suicide.

I attempted suicide in 2004 and 2007.

Since then, all my near-death experiences have been from the mismanagement/overuse/overprescribed medication (intramuscular injection- IM) over ten years.  

The long-term impact on my body has been devastating for first-episode psychosis. In terms of the treatment of schizophrenia and over ten years stable, the impact on my metabolic rate has been staggering. I have gained over a hundred pounds.

The relationship with my IM has never been one of noncompliance. I was consistent for ten years on a 400 IM, then 300 IM dosage, when the issue with metabolizing my antipsychotic through an Injection started to speed up… 

Let me make that abundantly clear. Only lived experience tells me attempted suicide can be very painful and lead to even more chronic medical issues. No, I believe in state-assisted suicide or adult euthanasia. 

I don’t think the government should walk around and decide who dies and who lives–. Instead, while people retain mental capacity, I think they should make personal decisions around quality of life. I know from my own lived experience, and I’ve been in such pain and such confusion-such as extreme agitation that it would’ve been easier and less painful to let go and accept death. Resuscitation and CPR are even more confusing and disturbing for people in distress.

So when I think of Special Projects and enter into the conversation of end-of-life and transitional life care, this ethical dilemma is deferring the patient’s wish comes at the quality of life of the medical patient (or person intervented-tor-the person resurrected. My final solution in palliative decision-making and authority over the body is that: euthanasia.

WE need a government-sponsored adult euthanasia program. 

The reality is that by ignoring the enormity of the pain and agony and human suffering and make decisions that take away a person’s choice to move forward in their transition. Why not be humane in our deepest beliefs as in our government practices?

Termed the T-50: We need to devise policy after an open discussion around trauma-informed practices for deploying adult euthanasia in all 50 states. Either way, this entire conversation is too often avoided in mental health circles. You have to wonder, does everybody think their life is going to always go according to plan? For those who don’t, can we at least talk without shame and taboo smoke screens.

People think that they’re always going to be able to recover. It is a lot more complicated than that, though. When you’ve experienced contemplating this idea of the quality of life so often, you have a perfect view of what you demand from your reality or health. 

For example, further loss of airway restriction because of additional weight gain will have serious health ramifications to my preexisting conditions. In the event of x,y.z, I have several plans in place for my doctors for life preservation. Why shouldn’t the government only facilitate the transition process if we won’t ever recover? 

I have since switched to an oral delivery system, P/O, and Metformin to help with metabolism. If things move further in the wrong direction, I can see, very soon, my physiological situation to be seriously compromised. 

Living life at such an extremely unhealthy and likely not to improve state is my only option.

THEN Sign me out right now!

I’m not suggesting eliminating the medical industry from the dyeing process. I am also not suggesting removing ventured interests from investing in our program, operating its machinery, or labor force to keep it going.

We must regulate every industry involved in the final solution to maintain a standard operating apparatus. After all, if our own culture rejects or demands the strength to bring it into being. The plan at least needs to answer to regulation and other ethical and moral meters-sticks for professional conduct. 

 

Mental Health Affairs 2022

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