Everyone has a personal set of boundaries. These are the personal and professional invisible rules associated with how we decide to rule our interpersonal lives. There is no question that the more clear these boundaries are to others the more successful we will be in our personal and professional lives.
I have experienced this catharsis first hand after living a life of what seemed like sporadic and unpredictable let-downs and disappointments with other people. But the truth is, these let downs were energy consuming, and, to be even more candid, almost totally avoidable.
Sure, we all get blindsided. But when you have a mental health condition, we like to blame our illness for our deficits in lack of self-reflection. Sure, some mental health diagnoses make it more difficult to read the signals of others. Some even effect basic speech and its mechanics. I am not referring to these basic defects in pure linguistic expression impacted by organic brain chemistry.
I am instead referring to the possibilities stemming from lessons in interpersonal communication and behavior gone awry and unlearned or ignored at all costs. Sometimes we ignore because it hurts to feel or think about our erred ways. I assure you, from experience, it catches up quickly, and, before you realize it, you have made your needs the priority over the needs of the relationships you are involved.
I have experienced the effects of making a life out of forcing myself on others despite their boundaries, however clear. Given the detriment this has had on my own life, I encourage people to be be relentless in respecting peoples own interpersonal choices regarding the status of their relationships and the ebb and flow of their connections.
Indeed, my own illness has complicated my capacity to read interpersonal signals, and your illness may impact you similarly. This shouldn’t be a license to disrespect others, or ignore their needs. I am quite certain many of us diagnosed with a mental health condition have tried to force outcomes, and ourself on to others, the system, and those that have ignored our basic needs. I am not suggesting you stop badgering your case manager or worker but be more mindful of why you are upset with the relationship and your own capacity to make your will a reality regardless of the needs of other people.
When you have a mental health condition, your voice can sometimes be silenced by those around you due to their own stigma and misunderstanding of mental health. Before you become that angry man or woman diagnosed with a mental illness, ask yourself, why am I really angry?
This may be due to focusing so much on the supposed limitations of others being able to help you, and the fact that, by resultant action, you have less energy to focus on helping yourself.
Be proactive about respecting others-their choices, and their priorities. This may make you feel a certain way but it shouldn’t be the license to treat others disrespectfully. For the longest time, I didn’t understand the importance of the lesson I am laying out here in this entry. Ultimately, learning the lesson and why its importance needs to be priority in my own mental health is the greatest lesson.
Author Info:
Max E. Guttman
Max E. Guttman is the owner of Mindful Living LCSW, PLLC, a private mental health practice in Yonkers, New York.
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