Italians invented stopping to smell the roses. Our ethic of dolce far niente is “the sweetness of doing nothing.”
Which is not to be confused with laziness. Or with numbing ourselves with food, TV, drink or whatever else we do to escape from pain.
After acting as a caregiver and having my energy robbed I learned firsthand the benefit of doing nothing as a form of self-care. It’s cheaper than plunking down cash on a vacation you can’t afford.
Resting and taking breaks is something we all need to do. At 59 years old I have no interest in being on the go-go-go all day every day either today or after I retire.
It’s a myth that we need to be or can be productive every hour of the day. Grind culture shouldn’t be the norm in how we live our lives chained to work. Research proves that the longer the hours you work at a job each week the less productive you are. That’s a fact.
We need to cancel out the outside noise that tells us we’re not worthy of dignity unless we conform to what others tell us to do. People of a certain political stripe call those of us who collect what they call “entitlements” lazy freeloaders. Funny how these judges think we would want to be disabled and earn only $600 in government income every month.
Just getting up in the morning and going out the front door individuals with mental illnesses often face this kind of stigma. In turn we experience self-stigma. Yes we need to engage in the sweetness of doing nothing when we arrive back home.
Living in recovery it’s really important to like yourself. Other people’s “scoreboard” for our worth should not dictate how we feel about ourselves. Having a loved one who doesn’t express their love to you is particularly damaging for a person living with a mental illness.
Getting my energy robbed acting as a caregiver opened my eyes to how engaging in dolce far niente is imperative for my mental and physical wellbeing. My version of the sweetness of doing nothing is going to bed early at night; and lying on my bed and listening to the radio at other times.
There’s nothing wrong with us if we need to spend time doing nothing so that we can decompress from the demands of everyday living. Ongoing routine isolation can breed fear and paranoia though.
The minute two smiling friends were walking down the hall to my front door I had instant cheer. The dinner party I hosted for us elevated my mood. The sweetness of sharing a meal with others has health benefits too. Like Italians say mangia bene vivere bene: Eat well to live well.
I’ve learned that stopping to smell the roses and appreciate the other beauties of life is not a luxury. It’s a necessity. No longer do I fall in line thinking that other people know what’s best for me. As a person living in recovery I’ve chosen to opt out of seeking mainstream success and approval.
On an ordinary day in a society where survival of the fittest appears to be the prevailing ethic you’ll find me writing a blog entry for Mental Health Affairs. Instead of chasing money or fame or material goods to feel good. I’m content to engage in the sweetness of doing nothing.
Like Mr. Softee of the ice cream truck fame you could call me Mrs. Softee because I value chilling out. Whether in the summer or another season taking the time for a double dip of rest to recharge your batteries is called for.
Doing nothing is just as refreshing as a vanilla-dipped-in-chocolate cone. I say treat yourself to the ice cream cone while you’re at it!
Author Info:
Christina Bruni
Christina Bruni is the author of the new book Working Assets: A Career Guide for Peers. She contributed a chapter "Recovery is Within Reach" to Benessere Psicologico: Contemporary Thought on Italian American Mental Health.
